No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
