Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
