Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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