Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
