Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
