dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
