i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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