the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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