I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
