we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am naked and annoyed.
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