Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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