I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
