Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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