Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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