There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
