can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize