exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
