no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
