Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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