I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
