I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
