peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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