i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
