She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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