have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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