hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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