U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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