I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
