I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize