i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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