She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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