Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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