you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
