im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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I have feelings that need drinking.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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