I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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