I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
