I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize