Umm I'm too high to move.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize