So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
