he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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