Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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