Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
