I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
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Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
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Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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