you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
