He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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