I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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