You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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