I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
