Welp...herpes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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