i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
