I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
