If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
