billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
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I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...