Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I feel like abortions should bother me more
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
