Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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