I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
