I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
