I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
