Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
