her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
