Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
